Mac vs. Windows

Porch Dog started this ball rolling, and I had to bring it home.

As a regular user of approximately 6 different computer platforms who isn’t particularly passionate about any commercial operating system, I’ve recently been thinking about the whole Apple/Microsoft thing.

And you know what?

Fuck the Mac vs. Windows debate and everybody who participates in it. Fuck those smarmy Mac commercials, fuck that Zune guy, fuck U2 and that shitty song they plastered all over those shitty iPod ads, fuck iTunes store, and fuck Windows Media Player.

I like Macs fine. I like Windows fine. Neither of them are my favorite, but neither do I feel particularly put out when I find myself using either. They are operating systems, not Lifestyles. They allow me to access my files, the internet, and various other bits of software that let me Get Shit Done.

My lifestyle is the stuff I do when I’m not using a computer.

If you participate in the Mac vs. Windows debate, you are on the same intellectual level as people who buy plagiarized stickers of “Calvin Pissing on X Product” to put in the rear window of their preferred brand of over sized truck. You are an asshole who thinks that a corporate image says something vital about you. You are a Hoover Vacuum shoveling up industry shit and calling it Apple Pie. Just because technology is less redneck than a truck decal doesn’t make you any less of an idiot. Go buy another shitty version of the iPhone. Get the Zune logo tattooed on your ass.

Leave the adults alone.

“But Mr. The MCP… my Mac is so much more reliable/My Windows PC offers me so much more choice/I like my big flying icons/I like my bouncing desktop wallpaper.”

You. Are. An. Idiot. It’s time to admit that even though all the major operating systems have their pros and cons – you can do everything you need to do on a computer with any of them.

Get this – you are allowed to prefer one over the other for your own purposes. But the fact that you like clicking on the “Start Menu” rather than using the “Dock” doesn’t make you special. It doesn’t make you different. I like my Ford Ranger a lot. It gets good gas mileage for a light truck (there’s that little 4-cylindar for ya), and it’s super reliable. It’s also easy to find parts for. But I’m not going to crawl into a corner and cry if my life leads me into the driver’s seat of a Chevy or (god forbid) a Toyota. “OMG THE CUP HOLDER IS IN A DIFFERENT PLACE AND THE RPM GAUGE LOOKS WEIRD.”

Not everybody who prefers OS X is an elitist asshole, and not everyone who uses Windows is a corporate shill. Mostly people just want to type some email, look things up on the internet, listen to some music, and maybe create a presentation. Last I checked, all the available platforms did those things quite capably.

Enjoy your iPhone. Enjoy your new AlienWare gaming rig. Really, I mean it. Computer gadgets really can bring us a lot of joy. It doesn’t make me mad that you own one. I have plenty of devices that I enjoy using. But to feel superior because you paid some company some money to put a slightly different collection of ones and zeros on your hard drive than your neighbor is stupid.

Besides, real men use Linux.

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4 Responses to “Mac vs. Windows”

  1. Now that I’ve read this, I’m immensely pleased that I communicate directly to computers using an AmericanishBrainRig-to-Binary translator I had grafted to the base of my spinal column (near my ass) three years ago. I neither brag about nor use any operating system but my own “wetware.”

    It has, however, seriously mucked up my jumpshot–but I never had much of one anyway. And on days after heavy lifting I tend to notice a lot of typos. But other than that, it’s really convenient.

  2. Alternate comment:

    Preach it, Brother The MCP!

  3. Don’t forget that real women also use Linux…

  4. thanks for the check on my unthinking use of cliche. of course, reading comments at slashdot can make it difficult to remember this.

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